Here’s a little secret: I haven’t always wanted kids. Even in high school when I was busy scribbling hearts around my boyfriend’s name and dreaming of his last name behind my first name, I don’t recall wanting to have children. My daydream then consisted solely of marriage and a good career, and that dream remained steadfast for many years. In college, I started to scoff at the idea of procreating and when I was in my mid-and-late-twenties, I had pretty much decided kids weren’t for me. And Nick was on the same page. We were going to focus on degrees and careers and our house and our dogs and all the other goals we had stashed up our sleeves. Besides, who has time for kids? They’re dream killers, and they’re so. needy, and you have to wipe their butts for them. Gross!
And then I turned 30.
I turned 30 and realized that I had watched some of my family members and best friends bring these amazing little people into the world and things slowly started to change. First, my brother and his wife had my nephew and he was the coolest thing since sliced bread. Then my colleague-turned-friend had twins. Two of the most freakin’ adorable little babies I’d ever seen. TWO OF THEM! And a few years ago, my best friend had a baby girl and my sister-in-law had my second nephew and both of their little baby heads smelled so good and wouldn’t it be cool if I could have a little being that I could teach to be a good person? and maybe they would be just like me… and OMG, what are these feelings?
I thought about it for a while. I read articles online. I talked to friends about why they decided to have kids. I did everything I could think of to determine if I really did want a kid. Finally I realized that yes, I did in fact want to have a kid. I wanted a part of me out in the world, upholding our values and being a good person. I put the feelers out to Nick to see what he thought. After all, we had been on the same no-kids page for so long that I was afraid he wouldn’t be up for the idea. After almost a year of discussion and thinking about it, and more research (because that’s what we do), we decided we both wanted a kid and we were going to go for it!
Sebastian is only 3 (almost 4) months old so I’m still getting used to the fact that I really truly am a mom now, but so far, I love it. Despite some pregnancy-related health scares and the sleep deprivation (which hasn’t been nearly as bad as I anticipated), I wouldn’t trade this life for anything else in the world. I love my little monkey more than I ever thought was possible to love a little being. Seb actually is the coolest kid in the world (that’s a scientific fact, btw ;-)). He’s adorable, he sleeps well, he has a happy disposition, and did I mention that he’s adorable? I love watching him grow and learn and I can’t wait to see the person he’s going to be. I told Nick the other day that if I knew I could have Sebastian back when I was in my twenties, I wouldn’t have waited so long. But only if it were specifically Sebastian; no other baby would do. The only thing I miss about my old life is being able to go to the movie theater whenever we want to… except, when you really think about it, waiting a few months to watch a movie in the comfort of your pajamas at home is totally worth any sacrifice.
Priorities change, hopes and dreams change, life changes, and that’s all okay! I’m not saying that everyone will change their mind on parenthood but I am saying that I changed mine and I couldn’t be more happy about it!
Now, let’s talk about this outfit!
I like to think of this as my “mom” outfit, with the typical capris and denim jacket, but the truth is I was wearing this outfit long before I become a mother. I even wore it while I was pregnant with the help of my trusty belly band. Purple and green are my favorite colors so how could I resist these pants? Also, this is another one of those outfits that feel quintessentially me because it’s cute and comfortable. And I wear this outfit everywhere: to work, to run errands, out to lunch or dinner, etc., etc. It really is great.
Here’s the fun, “sassy mom” one. I imagine the day will come when I embarrass Sebastian like crazy and it will most likely be with poses like this one in front of his friends. I can’t wait 🙂
Shirt: Banana Republic | Capris and Necklace: Old Navy | Shoes: via Rack Room | Denim Jacket: Gap | Sunnies & Watch: Target
Do you want kids? Did you ever think you would or wouldn’t have kids and then changed your mind? Moms, how much do you love being a mother?
Linking up: Spread the Kindness Linkup | Confident Twosday | Trend Spin Linkup
Nikki, thanks for sharing your story! I’m just like you – I didn’t want kids in my twenties either. In fact, when I turned 30, I still didn’t want kids. I’m 32 now and I’m leaning towards having children. Two of my friends had girls who were born on the same day. And they are so precious. My co-worker just had a grandson and I can feel my ovaries speaking to me, lol. I think I’ll be ready soon, but I appreciate your journey and happy that you’re enjoying mom life!
[…] another ‘mom’ outfit,” but, just like I mentioned in my recent Mom post, I would have worn this type of outfit before becoming a mom. Also, when you’re a mom, every […]
First off, those pants are sassy and I love them! Purple and green are my faves too, they were even our wedding colors! lol And I feel you on the not always wanting kids part. The hubs and I have had many “do we? or don’t we?” conversations on this matter as well and we finally hit the point of, “well, if we are, we should probably get going on that now!” Probably not the best way to approach parenthood, but oh well. Looking good mamma!
Sarah, purple and green were our wedding colors, too! That’s so awesome 🙂 We had similar conversations about how long was too long to wait. My husband was 35 at the time so we didn’t want to wait much longer. It all worked out, but it’s definitely a conversation worth having!
Nikki, this is one super cute outfit! And an even cuter baby, for sure! I didn’t change my mind about having children until I was 36… up until that point, I was like you…”No way. Kids are not in the cards for me.” But now I have two wonderful young boys who drive me crazy on a daily basis but I wouldn’t have it any other way! Thanks for sharing your story and your journey into motherhood! Enjoy the ride! And thanks for linking up with me.
Loving your sassy mom look! As a mom to an almost 6 yr old, I have enjoyed motherhood. It is not something that I wished for but I was not against it either. My husband and I had been married for 12 yrs before she came into our lives and we cannot imagine life now without her.
I don’t really know if I wanted kids when I was younger, but I can’t see my life without them now! It’s like we were all meant to be together! And I love your outfit!
I love it when it works out like that!
Cute outfit! I’m glad you are happy being a mom. I grew up wanting kids. It wasn’t until I got married and had step-children that I decided having my own was not something I wanted. I enjoy my nephews, and spoil them rotten, but in the end I am glad I am not their mom but their Aunt.
Thanks, Lee! Yeah, for a while I was content with just being an aunt. I think that’s one of the coolest jobs in the world because you get to be there for all of the cool stuff and you get to be their friend, but you don’t have to deal with the day-to-day. I’m pretty surprised that I changed my mind but here we are.
This is such a great post! I’ve also never thought about wanting kids, and I wish more people would accept that idea instead of trying to convince me I’m missing something vital in my life because I don’t want them. But I also know I might change my mind in the future, and it’s always cool to read other people’s stories about their similar experiences.
Thanks, Kate. I totally agree that more people should be accepting of others’ choices when it comes to what they want their family to look like. I mentioned in the comment above that I actually surprised myself when my mind started to wander to having kids because I was seriously against it for myself for the longest time. Any time someone tried to convince me, I would stand my ground and say nope, not going to happen. And then it did. SO CRAZY. You might change your mind and you might not. Either way is absolutely fine! 🙂
So…I was pretty excited when I saw you post this. I was halfway through reading this the day this post first went up and then I realized I was late to work (ughhhh) and I just never found the post to finish reading it later (I have the attention span of a fly, I’m sorry). But then this post popped up again and I was like, “Oh yes!! I get to finish reading this!” I actually really enjoyed reading your journey on how you and Nick decided you wanted to have a kid. So many of my close friends are having babies (or their second babies!) and it’s just that time of life where it’s the late 20s/early 30s and people are making big life decisions. Now, I’m a logical sort of person who likes to spend lots of time (like…a year’s worth of time) researching a topic (I love that you all did that!) and talking to people to get more info…but asking someone, “So why did you or didn’t you have kids?” is not exactly a polite conversation topic, even if one is just genuinely curious and trying to get different perspectives. So the fact that you wrote about it just makes me so happy, thanks for sharing!
Liz, I’m glad you enjoyed reading about my experience. In hindsight, I’ve realized that one of the reasons I didn’t want kids before is that I didn’t have much experience with them. And what you hear, especially when you don’t have experience, is that they are so time consuming that you can never do anything fun again. Say good-bye to your old life, right? But once I was around kids more often and saw that while they are time consuming, it’s not THAT bad. You can still do fun things without having to end your life as you know it. And, as I mentioned, priorities change so I was okay with “losing” some parts of my “old” life. It all made sense for us in the end and I’m completely happy with our decision 🙂
I love being a mom. I miss my children being little. My oldest is 19 now. Time really does go by fast. Enjoy every moment!!
Oh my goodness, I can’t even begin to picture Sebastian at that age. It feels like a lifetime away! I will make sure to enjoy everything while he’s still little.
This is great! I too did not want children. Then 30 rolled around and oh my goodness I had to have a baby now! Funny how things work out. Motherhood is tougher than any other job/career I have had (or will ever have) but it also, by far, is the most rewarding.
Leslie, it’s funny how so many of us have such similar experiences! Yes, it is the hardest job in the world but you’re so right, it’s the most rewarding and I’m loving every minute of it.
This is a great post. I love being a mom and I’m thankful everyday that I get to be one. Love this outfit too. I’ve found that so many of the outfit I now think of as “mom outfits” we’re really my favorites before kids, too.
Thank you, Mary Leigh. You often hear about women losing their sense of style once they have kids but I find it’s easy to keep mine since, apparently, it was on par with “mom” outfits already!