Hi everyone,

I realize I’ve been a little MIA this month but that’s because we’ve been very busy with house hunting!

At the beginning of the year, we decided we had outgrown our little place and it was time to start the process of finding something a little bigger. We met with our realtors, started looking at the market, and started fixing up our little house to make it appealing to a new family. That whole process takes up so much time but throw in the coronavirus wrench and you’re looking at double the amount of time!

We finally put our house on the market on Mother’s Day weekend, which we spent in a hotel. The house was only up for about three days before we accepted an offer. Then the pressure was on to find our new house! We had been looking at everything from older homes to new construction in several neighborhoods around Durham until we finally found a beautiful, light-filled house on a cul de sac in a great neighborhood. We submitted a ridiculously generous offer and I wrote a sweet little letter explaining why the home was perfect for us and out of the many offers they received, THEY ACCEPTED OURS!

Time to start packing!

The house has everything we’ve been wanting: a 2-car garage, tons of natural light, a nice backyard, a neighborhood pool, a great school district for Sebastian, AND perhaps the best part in my opinion: it’s not very far from our current house so we won’t have to change up our routines that much! We can go to the same grocery store, doctors, vet, etc. When you live with anxiety, change is very difficult so not having to change much will make the transition so much better.

The buying part of the process is almost over and we still have a few weeks before we close and move, but we’re really excited about everything. Wish us luck that the rest of the process and the move go smoothly!

Hi, friends!

I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve had a rough couple of weeks with my anxiety. The most frustrating thing about anxiety for me is that I can go for weeks and even months feeling like I have a handle on things. Feeling back to normal and believing that everything is fine and I’m healthy and life is wonderful. And then, all of a sudden, BAM! I experience a little bit of stress, a few sleepless nights and then get hit seemingly out of nowhere with these feelings of dread because something is wrong, and then things come crumbling down.

Yesterday was my seventh wedding anniversary and I was going to take a look back on the day by posting photos and little stories about the day. My plan was to write it up and post it while on a break at work. However, my mind and body had other plans.

The past few weeks have been really rough. I was in charge of a week-long work retreat that was cut short by Hurricane Florence and we were left scrambling to figure out how to reschedule several days worth of work. I also had to navigate a major transition at the office as our CEO prepared to leave, all while worrying about preparing my home and family for the storm on top these regular work responsibilities. On top of that, in the last week or so, Sebastian decided to go ahead and have his 18-month sleep regression, waking us up several times a night. As you can imagine, I was one tired woman. You can see how not enough sleep and too much caffeine became the norm.

Unfortunately, it all culminated yesterday in a small panic attack at work where I spent about 20 minutes in my office with the door closed, crying and trying to ground myself. My anxiety is mostly post-traumatic, really starting after I experienced a heart attack last year, and it’s exacerbated by lack of sleep and too much caffeine, the two constants in my life for the past three-ish weeks. So, instead of blogging, I focused on breathing and making it through meetings without completely breaking down.

Around this time time last year, I had just returned to work from my brief maternity leave and was missing Sebastian like crazy. I was only allowed six weeks off following his birth because I had just started a new job and didn’t have enough time built up for FMLA benefits. I was so looking forward to the three-day holiday weekend filled with the baby snuggles that I wasn’t getting during the week while Sebastian was in daycare. We didn’t have anything planned for the Memorial Day Weekend except for a picnic that I had been looking forward to for a while.

Hi friends,

I realize I missed the entire month of October with blogging. The truth is I had a difficult couple of weeks at the beginning of the month where my anxiety flared up and got the best of me. Sometimes it hits me so hard that I go on autopilot and it’s a small victory to make it through each day without a breakdown. And that focus on survival doesn’t include things like blogging. But I feel I’m finally out of the fog and it’s time to make time for writing. Thanks for sticking with me!

via GIPHY

One reason I’m back to the blog, though, is talk about a big change that is coming up.

After a lot of discussion and budgeting and more discussion, I’ve decided to quit my job at the end of the year to focus on my health and my family. I’ve had a lot of medical experiences this year from giving birth to having a heart attack and I never really had a chance to fully recover from either episode. I had a six-week maternity leave, which anyone who has had a baby – as well as new research on postpartum healing – can tell you this is not nearly enough time, and I was only out of work for a week following the heart incident, so it’s really no wonder that my anxiety has been front and center for the past six months.  But not only is this time off for taking care of myself, but I’ll have this awesome little guy around to help me get better!

And I can focus on watching him grow for a while, something I feel like I’ve been missing out on ever since I had to go back to work.

It won’t be all fun and games, however. The plan is to take time to get back on my feet and, when I’m ready, I’ll start fresh with my career, which is the other half of my big decision. I don’t know exactly what I want to do yet but I *DO* know that I want it to involve writing, both for my blog and professionally. I’d love to write for magazines, other blogs, and even for news & academia outlets. I love writing and it has taken me more than a decade to be able to say that I’m a good writer. I am a good writer, I’ve just never given myself permission to believe it so I’ve never pursued writing as a career. Until now. And my next post will talk a little more about how I came to these decisions.

So, tell me: have any of you made any big decisions – whether it was to quit your job to stay home with your children or to start a totally new career with little to no experience – and if so, how did it turn out? I love hearing others’ experiences and I certainly need all of the encouragement I can get. Thanks!