I was sitting at the kitchen table on a sunny late-summer afternoon, feeding my son lunch, when I was overcome with an amazing feeling of contentment. As Sebastian peeled the turkey and cheese off his sandwich and shoved them into his mouth, dropping some turkey onto the floor in the process, he looked up at me and grinned.  And I realized that this, right here, is exactly where I want to be. It’s really all I need in life. A loving partner, an adventurous kid, a goofy dog, a cozy home, and some fun experiences are what truly make me happy.

This isn’t turkey, but you get the idea!

Thinking about now, I’m not as surprised as I would have been a few years ago.

I’ve been thinking about this here blog for the past few weeks. It seems I’ve developed a blogging pattern that consists of getting really energized and having a lot of ideas, and all I want to do is sit and write and share with you, but then I lose steam and feel like nothing I write about is very interesting or worth reading so I disappear for a week or two until I get energized again. I don’t like that pattern and I’m sure it certainly isn’t fun for my readers, but impostor syndrome and feeling like a fraud is really hard to shake. If you experience it, you know what I mean!

But I’ve really started to evaluate my role as a blogger — or, more accurately, my desire to be a blogger — because I was watching Instagram stories the other day and I found some of them to be riveting. And that made me wonder what it is about these stories that caught and held my attention, and I realized that it’s because I could relate to them in some way; my stories aren’t that much different from theirs. So maybe what I have to share really is *that* interesting… or maybe not since it’s already been done. Are you catching on to my thought process here? It’s exhausting to think this way all the time.

I’ve been thinking about the blog because I want to write more consistently. But blogging takes a lot of work and effort. Sometimes I feel that if I spend too much time blogging then I’m not being truly present in my life and I’m missing out on time with my son. But then I’m neglecting my blog and my passion. So how do I find that balance of being present in each moment but still devoted to blogging about those moments? How do you other bloggers do it? A few of the bloggers I really like have given birth recently and I love seeing stories about their beautiful new babies. I have a baby, and I’m sure that sharing stories about our day and the silly things he does would be pretty entertaining.

Anyway, this post has been a draft for a while now. Why? Because it wasn’t finished. It wasn’t perfect. It didn’t have the right pictures. I didn’t think anyone would care. Any maybe no one does care. Maybe I’m yelling out into the void. But if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear, does it still make a sound? You betcha. So, I’m pressing publish and making my sound. I just hope there’s someone out there in the forest who wants to hear it.

Friends, I’m making some changes. Nothing major, just a few things that will help me the person I actually want to be.

I care about a lot of things in life, and it’s very important to me that I do my part to leave the world a better place for my son and the rest of humanity. I worry about climate change, the environment, animals, food waste, etc., as well as my other social justice causes.

I’ve been very bad about food waste for a long time, and I’m ashamed of it. I really dislike eating leftovers so they sit in the fridge unless Nick gets hungry on the weekends. Cooking is fun but the clean up is so time consuming that I’d rather just dine out. Then I buy lots of vegetables because I know the importance of eating healthy but they sit in the drawer in the fridge until they grow seven kinds of mold. Out of sight, out of mind. And who wouldn’t want to grab some chips or cookies instead of an apple or carrots? Being healthy is hard. Additionally — and this is what I’m most ashamed of — I was so excited to start our little garden and reap the harvest of our hard work AND THEN we barely even ate the produce. Cucumbers, peppers, and tomatoes sat rotting on the counter. HOW AWFUL IS THAT?!

My calendar gets me…

Settle in for a little story.

There are two elevators in my new office building. The building itself is fairly new so the elevators are clean and well-kept. I work on the top floor of a three-floor building and I take the elevators daily. The first few times I rode the elevator car on the right, I noticed that it took slightly longer to get to my floor that you would expect for such a short ride. And when it did get to the floor, it felt like it took a few extra seconds to find the right place to come to a stop. It seemed weird to me but both cars had updated inspections so I didn’t think much of it.