Friends, I’m making some changes. Nothing major, just a few things that will help me the person I actually want to be.

I care about a lot of things in life, and it’s very important to me that I do my part to leave the world a better place for my son and the rest of humanity. I worry about climate change, the environment, animals, food waste, etc., as well as my other social justice causes.

I’ve been very bad about food waste for a long time, and I’m ashamed of it. I really dislike eating leftovers so they sit in the fridge unless Nick gets hungry on the weekends. Cooking is fun but the clean up is so time consuming that I’d rather just dine out. Then I buy lots of vegetables because I know the importance of eating healthy but they sit in the drawer in the fridge until they grow seven kinds of mold. Out of sight, out of mind. And who wouldn’t want to grab some chips or cookies instead of an apple or carrots? Being healthy is hard. Additionally — and this is what I’m most ashamed of — I was so excited to start our little garden and reap the harvest of our hard work AND THEN we barely even ate the produce. Cucumbers, peppers, and tomatoes sat rotting on the counter. HOW AWFUL IS THAT?!

My calendar gets me…

I love shoes but my natural preference is barefoot. Always has been. As soon as the weather shows the slightest bit of warmth, I kick off my shoes every chance I get: at home, in the car, at my desk, you name it. I’d rather not wear shoes when I don’t have to.

I once read an article about the positive effects of walking barefoot on the ground. This phenomena, called “grounding” or “earthing,” basically says that you will see some health benefits — such as decreased inflammation and stress, and improved circulation — when you put your body in direct contact with nature and the Earth. As new age-y and alternative medicine-y as it sounds, I have to say I agree that there are some benefits to reconnecting with nature. But then again, science agrees, too!

Spoiler: It lasted less than a week!

Nick and I have been feeling like we need to make a change in our lives. We’re not at our best and the way we eat is partially to blame. We wanted to try Whole30 because we were attracted to the idea of completely resetting our eating habits, cravings, and mindset around food.

If you aren’t familiar with Whole30, it’s an elimination diet. You take a 30-day challenge to cut out certain foods from your diet in an effort to potentially reduce the negative health impacts some of these foods cause, as well as to examine and reset your way of eating. You CAN eat lean meats and seafood, lots of vegetables and a little bit of fruit, and healthy fats and nuts. You CAN’T eat sugar, alcohol, grains, dairy, legumes, soy, carrageenan, MSG, sulfites or processed junk food.

We were hoping to lose a little weight but, most importantly, we wanted to gain more energy, to improve our eating habits, and to feel better overall. I’ve read stories from people who have cut out sugar – just sugar – from their diet and claim that their energy levels shot up exponentially. Like, they don’t even have to press snooze on their alarm clocks in the morning; they just wake up all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. That’s the level of energy I need in my life, especially when I have to keep up with a toddler all day. So, we did a little research and started our 30-day journey on a Monday. It was over by Thursday evening. The main reason is because we went to dinner for Nick’s birthday where we had made reservations well in advance of starting this diet. It was delicious seafood and neither of us felt like denying ourselves a birthday celebration.

So anyway, here are my thoughts on the whole thing.

Sugar is everywhere and in everything

The biggest eye opener for me was the amount of sugar in foods that shouldn’t even have sugar in them. When you learn all the names for sugar (dextrose, cane sugar, glucose, corn syrup, etc.) and start reading labels, you realize it’s everywhere and in everything. One meal I had planned for the week was a sweet potato hash with ham. Simple enough. But I could NOT find a ham that wasn’t cured with some form of sugar. Mayonnaise has sugar in it.  Packaged potatoes have sugar in them. My coffee has sugar in it! Okay, that one is because I put it there, but you see where I’m going. Look, I have a degree in public health so I know that sugar has become a big problem in American diets. But I naively thought that was because folks were drinking Starbucks coffees with sugary syrups, or that they were eating sugary cereals instead of “healthier” options, or eating too much processed foods. What I didn’t realize, as I mentioned, was how sneakily sugar has been added to things that didn’t even need sugar, like potatoes. Holy crap! Really reading and understanding labels has kind of changed my life.

We actually found a Whole30-approved bacon that didn’t have any sugar in it.

The preparation

I did as much research as I could and planned our first week of meals. The first day was fairly easy. At lunch, I had a big tuna salad with spinach, tomatoes, onion, carrots, and avocado. I made a simple vinaigrette with olive oil, lemon juice, dijon mustard, salt, and vinegar. Pretty delicious. I was feeling really smug with myself until I made Sebastian’s lunch. He had a grilled cheese, and as soon as I saw that gooey, melted cheese on toast, my craving for it went into overdrive. Then he didn’t even want to eat much of it! Normally I would finish what he didn’t eat, so it took every bit of willpower I had not to eat it. Then that evening, after dinner, I really wanted a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of wine. To satiate my sweet tooth, I had some figs and that did the trick.

Final thoughts

I’m putting on my public health hat and jumping on my soapbox for a moment: Something that really struck me negatively – and really turned me off to the whole thing, whether out of spite or principle – was what the author and creator of Whole30 said in her book:

“It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Quitting heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black Is. Not. Hard.”

BUT HERE’S THE THING: Eating healthy foods is often VERY hard and it’s okay to feel like it’s a difficult task. And that’s not just because you don’t like the taste of broccoli. Research has shown that sugar activates the same pleasure centers as cocaine. COCAINE is a drug. Drug addiction is, by the author’s own admission, very hard to overcome. Why would food addiction – which is essentially what our nation’s use of sugar has become – be any less hard? Many people in the U.S. live in food deserts, usually impoverished areas void of fresh fruit, vegetables, and other healthy foods due to a lack of grocery stores, farmers’ markets, and healthy food providers. This includes many rural areas. So, in this case, eating healthy is hard. Eating healthy in the U.S., and being able to partake in diets like Whole30, often require a lot of privilege and money. If it were easy, there would be many more cheap and available options for purchasing fresh foods, but there simply isn’t always an easy way. So, yes, it is hard. And I have a degree in public health. Fight me.

This is a meal we would have eaten prior to Whole30. It really was delish. It has plenty of basil on it, which is my favorite flavor in the world.

BUT as for the diet itself and my go at it: I lacked the discipline to eat this way for 30 days, partially because I’m anemic and needed iron sources other than red meat and spinach (so I went back to eating beans and other legumes) and partially because I don’t have a problem with eating milk and bread. Yes, I lost about 4 pounds in the 4 days I was doing Whole30, but I’m not entirely sure that’s healthy given my small stature and the fact that I’m still breastfeeding. I’m a little disappointed in myself that I couldn’t see it through, but I’m also not that worried about it. I have a good relationship with food and I’m healthy. That’s ultimately my end goal.

Have you ever tried the Whole30 diet? How did you do?

How long is it supposed to take to find one’s purpose?

I worry that it will take me a lifetime to figure out who I am and what I want to do with it, and by then, it’ll be too late. I’ve always been envious of folks who seem to have it all figured out. Those who have somehow always possessed a sense of who they wanted to be and what path they had to take to be it. Disciplined, ambitious, eager. You must embody those principles to achieve your goals. This is how I would like to describe myself but my mid-twenties seemed to knock those words right out of my vocabulary. I find that life just keeps throwing curve balls and when that happens, you have to widen your stance, maybe choke up on the bat, and stay focused. This is where I am now, trying to stay focused on what my life is and how to drive it to where I want to be.

So, anywhere, here’s an update on my life lately.

When your wind-blown look is on point.

Work work work work work

It’s been four months since I quit my job. I’ve started casually looking for work again since I do have student loans that need to be paid, but if I’m completely honest, I’m not ready to go back. I love staying home with Sebastian and having the freedom to run errands whenever I want to. But I’m taking comfort in the fact that I’m trying to find something more fulfilling, making the transition a little easier.

Sebastian turned one!

Day of birth | One year old

Sebastian turned one earlier this month. This little dude definitely keeps me busy and I’m loving every minute of it – although I do wish I were better at time management so I could blog a little more. The year has definitely flown by but we’ve had a lot of fun (and stresses) during it.

My heart is doing well

Wearing red in February to support hearth health.

I’m almost a year out from my heart attack (May 27) and I’m feeling pretty good – better than I thought I would be at this point. While I still have some anxiety every now and then, I’ve learned my triggers and how to manage them, and my responses to them. My anxiety mostly manifests itself physically in the form of the heart attack symptoms I experienced last year (basically a mild form of PTSD) and it’s exacerbated when I don’t sleep well for several days and I try to make up for being tired with drinking too much coffee. So I do  my best to get enough sleep and reduce my caffeine intake, and that usually works pretty well.

Spring is finally here.

The beautiful sunshine and warmer breezes have inspired me to take more outfit photos. Getting to wear my cute spring clothes definitely helps, too! See what I mean:

Crochet top, floral cardigan, and purple pants mean Spring is here!

Light sweater, distressed denim, and cute booties. Hello, Spring!

I’m planning to get back to regularly posting outfit photos to don’t forget to follow along. Stick around to find out what else happens in this life of mine.

It’s the beginning of the year and I’m in some kind of place that’s a little hard to describe. I’m trying to figure out my life and my next moves after I quit my new job after only 11 months to focus on my health and to take care of my son. And I’m glad I’m home now because Sebastian just got his first ear infection on account of a lingering cold and I’m here to snuggle him until he’s better.

It was in those quiet morning hours I spent snuggling a snotty baby that I stumbled upon a documentary called Minimalism: A Documentary about Important Things, and it really spoke to me. Since the baby was born, and especially since we started amassing a ton of toys and things for him, I’ve wanted to cut down on the clutter that has collected in my house. I bought the Marie Kondo book a while back with the intention of KonMari-ing my house, but after a few chapters, I became overwhelmed. The practice of keeping only the things that spark joy sounds great in theory, but the practice of holding each and every thing you own, waiting for it to spark joy or not sounds like chaos. I imagine opening every drawer and pulling things out until all my stuff is strewn about, causing more clutter than before, and I can’t handle it. But I suppose that’s the point.

photo source

Anyway, one interview in the documentary made the point that we should be making our space accommodate our lifestyles instead of making our lifestyles accommodate our space. For example, if you purchase a house that is bigger than your lifestyle requires, you’ll likely purchase a bunch of unnecessary stuff to fill the empty space in your big house and all that stuff rarely induces happiness. And because we’re not happy with our stuff, we keep wanting to buy more material things to find that happiness we crave.

It also emphasized that when we stop focusing so much on material things, we have more time and energy (and money!) to spend building our experiences and social relationships. I like the sound of that. And what I found MOST surprising (although I’m not sure why) is that fast fashion is the main culprit of this consumer culture we now live in. They said that in our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, they dressed for warm weather and cold weather, whereas now, we have 52 seasons a year. Fifty-two. THAT’S A NEW SEASON EVERY WEEK. And that’s a calculated move because clothing companies want you to feel like you’re out of trend after one week so that you’ll buy something new the next week. That is just crazy.

Even before watching the documentary, I was ready to cut down on all the stuff. A few months ago I started gathering up all the clothes and accessories I don’t wear anymore, which then led to me scouring the rest of my house, identifying everything I was ready to toss. The intention was to make a few extra bucks in a yard sale. But that was months ago and now there’s snow on the ground and a pile of stuff taking up room in the nursery, just waiting to be disposed of in some way.

I still want to get rid of everything that we don’t use and only keep things that spark joy, but I find that actually getting rid of the things is the hardest part. And not because of the emotional connection I have with my things (this used to be a thing for me when I was younger – I once kept an ugly blue chair for YEARS even though we didn’t use it simply because I got it for my first apartment) but because I just don’t know what to do with it. The easiest option is hauling it to the Goodwill down the street, but there are other options, as well, like Habitat for Humanity for my housewares, etc. I’d still like to have a yard sale to see if we can make a few bucks, but I’d have to wait until the spring when folks are more likely to seek out yard sales. That also means the stuff sitting in my house for, like, three more months! Nick has suggested selling things online (FB Market, Ebay, Craigslist, etc.) but that requires taking pictures of each individual item and I don’t have the time nor patience for that. So, unless he wants to do all that, we wait.

photo source

But all of this is to say I’ve decided to move toward minimalism. I mean, I’m not ready to sell all of my stuff and move my family into a tiny house (although I would love to have a tiny house in my back yard to use as a guest home for my friends and family who come visit) but I am ready to get rid of the junk in my house and keep only the things I need, the things that spark joy, and the things we use regularly. I want to focus less on things and more on people and experiences. I’m going to consume consciously and follow these last two important lessons from the documentary: before I purchase something new, I will ask myself if it adds value to my life, and I will love people and use things, because the opposite never works.