It’s the beginning of the year and I’m in some kind of place that’s a little hard to describe. I’m trying to figure out my life and my next moves after I quit my new job after only 11 months to focus on my health and to take care of my son. And I’m glad I’m home now because Sebastian just got his first ear infection on account of a lingering cold and I’m here to snuggle him until he’s better.

It was in those quiet morning hours I spent snuggling a snotty baby that I stumbled upon a documentary called Minimalism: A Documentary about Important Things, and it really spoke to me. Since the baby was born, and especially since we started amassing a ton of toys and things for him, I’ve wanted to cut down on the clutter that has collected in my house. I bought the Marie Kondo book a while back with the intention of KonMari-ing my house, but after a few chapters, I became overwhelmed. The practice of keeping only the things that spark joy sounds great in theory, but the practice of holding each and every thing you own, waiting for it to spark joy or not sounds like chaos. I imagine opening every drawer and pulling things out until all my stuff is strewn about, causing more clutter than before, and I can’t handle it. But I suppose that’s the point.

photo source

Anyway, one interview in the documentary made the point that we should be making our space accommodate our lifestyles instead of making our lifestyles accommodate our space. For example, if you purchase a house that is bigger than your lifestyle requires, you’ll likely purchase a bunch of unnecessary stuff to fill the empty space in your big house and all that stuff rarely induces happiness. And because we’re not happy with our stuff, we keep wanting to buy more material things to find that happiness we crave.

It also emphasized that when we stop focusing so much on material things, we have more time and energy (and money!) to spend building our experiences and social relationships. I like the sound of that. And what I found MOST surprising (although I’m not sure why) is that fast fashion is the main culprit of this consumer culture we now live in. They said that in our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, they dressed for warm weather and cold weather, whereas now, we have 52 seasons a year. Fifty-two. THAT’S A NEW SEASON EVERY WEEK. And that’s a calculated move because clothing companies want you to feel like you’re out of trend after one week so that you’ll buy something new the next week. That is just crazy.

Even before watching the documentary, I was ready to cut down on all the stuff. A few months ago I started gathering up all the clothes and accessories I don’t wear anymore, which then led to me scouring the rest of my house, identifying everything I was ready to toss. The intention was to make a few extra bucks in a yard sale. But that was months ago and now there’s snow on the ground and a pile of stuff taking up room in the nursery, just waiting to be disposed of in some way.

I still want to get rid of everything that we don’t use and only keep things that spark joy, but I find that actually getting rid of the things is the hardest part. And not because of the emotional connection I have with my things (this used to be a thing for me when I was younger – I once kept an ugly blue chair for YEARS even though we didn’t use it simply because I got it for my first apartment) but because I just don’t know what to do with it. The easiest option is hauling it to the Goodwill down the street, but there are other options, as well, like Habitat for Humanity for my housewares, etc. I’d still like to have a yard sale to see if we can make a few bucks, but I’d have to wait until the spring when folks are more likely to seek out yard sales. That also means the stuff sitting in my house for, like, three more months! Nick has suggested selling things online (FB Market, Ebay, Craigslist, etc.) but that requires taking pictures of each individual item and I don’t have the time nor patience for that. So, unless he wants to do all that, we wait.

photo source

But all of this is to say I’ve decided to move toward minimalism. I mean, I’m not ready to sell all of my stuff and move my family into a tiny house (although I would love to have a tiny house in my back yard to use as a guest home for my friends and family who come visit) but I am ready to get rid of the junk in my house and keep only the things I need, the things that spark joy, and the things we use regularly. I want to focus less on things and more on people and experiences. I’m going to consume consciously and follow these last two important lessons from the documentary: before I purchase something new, I will ask myself if it adds value to my life, and I will love people and use things, because the opposite never works.

Skip. Like when you hear a loud clap of thunder that makes you jump up out of your chair, but instead I’m just sitting at my quiet desk at work, staring at the computer screen.

Flutter. Like the butterflies you get in your stomach when you’re nervous but it happens in my chest while I’m sitting quietly on the couch, watching the evening news.

Race. Like when you’re watching your favorite sports team hit the winning shot right at the buzzer, but instead I’m sitting in a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam.

These are the peculiar sensations I’ve been feeling in my chest lately. For the average person, they’re no big deal. For the anxious person, they’re pretty common. For someone who is about 3 months post-heart attack like me, they’re cause for concern. My primary care physician thought it was due to stress but she made me go to the cardiologist, who agreed that it was probably just stress, but hooked me up to a holter monitor just to be sure.

Holter monitor, hour 1

A holter monitor is a small, portable monitor that measures your heart’s rhythm. I wore this monitor for 48 hours last week. Every time I felt a skip, a flutter, or a racing sensation, I pressed a button on the side to record the sensation in the results and I described in a little journal exactly what I felt and what I was doing when I felt it. Then someone read the monitor and compared it to the notes in my journal to figure out what was causing my heart to act up like this.

Holter monitor, 24 hours

My two biggest fears regarding the results were on opposite ends of the spectrum. On one hand, I was afraid that the results would come back totally normal and would not show anything wrong. You’d think this is the best case scenario, but for me and my anxious mind, it meant that I was crazy and/or hallucinating these sensations when I absolutely KNEW I wasn’t. On the other hand, I was afraid that the results would come back showing something catastrophic, and they would give me a few more days to live before my heart gave out completely, all the while wondering how I even made it this long.

Holter monitor, hidden under my shirt and in my jeans pockets

I got the results back this week and, luckily, they were right where I’d want them to be which comforted my chaotic mind. They found that my heart rhythm is normal and that the ‘fluttering’ sensations correlated with occasional premature heart beats. These are benign but can feel strange or abnormal. Ultimately, there is no clinical concern but I should try to control my stress levels, as stress exacerbates the prematurely timed beats.

So, I’m not going to die of heart failure any time soon, which is good news. I do feel the occasional skip and flutter but my mind doesn’t automatically assume the worst, and I’m working on addressing the stress in my life. I’m slowly getting to a point where, when I feel my heart make its weird beats, it feels a little more like this:

Skip. Like when I see Nick after a long day and it makes my heart skip a beat.

Flutter. Like when my closed eyelashes lightly brush against Nick’s closed eyelashes during a long kiss. 

Race. When Sebastian is about to roll over/crawl for the first time and I’m so nervous for him but I know he’s smart and strong and can do it. 

I’m only 32 years old.

I’m only 32 years old and super healthy.

And yet I had a heart attack over memorial day weekend. It was a shock to everyone… me, my family, my friends, and my doctors.

I think it was this video – and a few online articles – that helped me recognize just what was going on. I really encourage you to watch the video, read the articles, and familiarize yourself with the signs because it just might save your life. Here’s my story:

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling completely normal. I nursed Sebastian and when I laid back down in bed, I immediately started feeling pain and a tightening sensation in my chest, jaw pain that felt like I had been clenching my mouth closed for hours, and a weird discomfort in my left arm. I didn’t know exactly what was happening at first but I knew something wasn’t right. I stood up and started pacing around my bedroom, telling Nick that I didn’t feel good and I was afraid it was something serious this time. I said “this time” because I have a history of anxiety and having panic attacks and, while panic attacks are very disturbing and certainly feel ominous, they aren’t usually life threatening.  This was different, though. It felt wrong. We decided to go to urgent care where they determined that I had really high blood pressure (which is normally on the low side for me) and abnormal EKG results, so the doctor sent me to the emergency room. He didn’t say it but it was pretty obvious that something serious was happening.

In the ER, several blood tests revealed elevated enzymes that are only present when there has been damage to the heart muscle. This really alarmed the doctors because they had never seen these results in someone so young and healthy. They moved me to the ICU, and after a procedure where they inserted a catheter into the arteries around my heart — and finding no clogs or other blockages — the doctors finally concluded that I must have had a small tear in the coronary artery, called a dissection. Due to lack of risk factors, they also determined it was likely pregnancy related, as pregnancy itself causes a lot of strain on the heart. Essentially, they think the tear caused the lining of my artery to flap up and block blood flow to my heart, resulting in the heart attack. But, luckily, the flap was pushed back down into place pretty quickly and began repairing itself. Good job to my body on that one!

Cuddling with my Sebastian monkey after being moved out of the ICU.

My official diagnosis is Coronary Artery Dissection. Apparently, while this type of heart issue is rare, it is a common type of heart attack/issue in pregnant and postpartum women. They’ve put me on several medications for the next year that will thin my blood, keep my blood pressure stable, and help protect my heart as it continues to heal. I will also have many follow up appointments in the coming weeks and months.

Starting today, Nick and I are getting serious about our health. We’ve tried before by signing up for various races – a 5k here and there – to keep us motivated by giving us a goal to work toward but we soon realized that neither one of us really like running. And when you don’t enjoy an activity, you’re not very likely to stick with it. I prefer strength training activities and workouts that don’t feel like work outs (something like yoga and Zumba), so running just wasn’t going to cut it. Also, getting to the gym (only three miles from our house) just wasn’t happening.

We finally decided to try an at-home workout routine and settled on Focus T25 with Shaun T by Beach Body.

source: http://www.trilliumfit.com/programs/focus-t25-training/

Nick has a friend that is a certified trainer with Beach Body and he convinced us to give it a try. What really sold us is that it’s only 25 minutes + a 5-minute stretch/cool down session at the end. We got up this morning at 6:30 and begrudgingly worked through it.  I think it’s going to be a really good work out.  We’re not endorsing it (yet) because we just started and might not see any results, but we’ll let you know how it goes.

We’re also following the Fast Track meal plan. We went to the grocery store and brought home the whole produce department!

I’m really excited because everything we got is fresh and clean, nothing processed and I’ve been very into clean eating for a while now but it’s difficult to adhere to when you’re on the road so often, like I am for school. So, we chopped and measured and prepared everything last night. It took us several hours, but it was a little blessing not to have to do it when you’re stumbling out of bed at 6:30 AM.

We’re going to try to be Intragram and post about our daily meals and workouts, as well as our overall progress.

Has anyone else ever tried an at-home work out like this? How did it go? What are/were your fitness goals?