It’s been raining a lot in North Carolina these last few weeks. Sometimes it’s a short summer storm but other times we’ve gotten it all: thunder, lightning, heavy rain, and even hail. Our local meteorologist made the comment one evening during his weather forecast that the purpose of a thunderstorm is to regulate the Earth’s temperature throughout the levels of the atmosphere so that the temps even out, achieving greater balance. This little nugget of information is really resonating with me lately.
I’ve been having a rough time and I feel a little down.
When I stopped working at the end of last year, it was only temporary. The plan was to stay home for about 4-6 months and then go back to work somewhere closer to where I live, as my previous job came with an hour-long commute one way, and it was taking its toll on me.
It’s now been 6 months since I quit, and I’ve been searching for work for the past three of them with no luck. I’ve had several interviews, second interviews, office tours and meetings with important higher ups, only to be told that they all decided to go with someone who had more experience. That’s been my luck for a while. I look great on paper but, ultimately, I don’t have the right amount of — nor the right kind of — experience they’re looking for. So what do I do?
I’ve been having a rough time because over the years I’ve built my identity around my ability to produce work so when I can’t produce work, or I’m not given the chance to produce work, I don’t know who I am. And when I don’t know who I am, I feel completely lost.
The good news is that I’m really good at picking myself up and dusting myself off. Maybe that’s what all of these thunderstorms represent — a cleansing of the bad luck I’m having lately and an attempt to balance everything out. So, after each rejection, I’ll allow myself to feel bad for a bit (but never too long) and then I’ll get back to the grind. I’ll apply to more jobs and I’ll do what I have to do to make it work.
If the purpose of thunderstorms really is to bring balance, I hope they’ve brought some balance to my life, to help me gain a new perspective on things, and to help me reset.
Eventually I’ll find something. I’m sure of it. In the meantime, I’ll let the rain cleanse my thoughts and I’ll start fresh.