You know those cute little elderly couples you see on the news or social media who dress in matching outfits and are unknowingly photographed doing little things to demonstrate just how much they still love each other after all these years? I used to read about those couples and wonder if it was true. It seemed like over time love would eventually fade away or get lost between deepening wrinkles. It just seemed to make sense that you would probably get to so used to being together that the other person became nothing more than a presence. People grow apart, after all, and there are countless books written and movies made about escaping loveless marriages with boring partners. Could you really could fall in love with someone and stay in love with them for the rest of your life?

The answer is yes.

I know this because in August 2003, I met the man who has proven to me time and time again just how true it is. And today we’ve been married for 9 phenomenal years!

My amazing husband, Nick.

This post was originally published on November 1, 2016 and has been slightly updated.

Feliz Día de los Muertos!

Today is Day of the Dead, a two-day holiday celebrated throughout Mexico and by people of Mexican ancestry, and it focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for, remember, and help support dead loved ones on their spiritual journey. On this day, people go to cemeteries to be with the souls of the departed and build private altars with the favorite foods and beverages, as well as photos and memorabilia, of their departed loved ones. These celebrations are meant to be happy and reverent instead of spooky or sad because they are, essentially, a celebration of life!

Sugar skulls  Photo source

Yesterday was my seventh wedding anniversary and I was going to take a look back on the day by posting photos and little stories about the day. My plan was to write it up and post it while on a break at work. However, my mind and body had other plans.

The past few weeks have been really rough. I was in charge of a week-long work retreat that was cut short by Hurricane Florence and we were left scrambling to figure out how to reschedule several days worth of work. I also had to navigate a major transition at the office as our CEO prepared to leave, all while worrying about preparing my home and family for the storm on top these regular work responsibilities. On top of that, in the last week or so, Sebastian decided to go ahead and have his 18-month sleep regression, waking us up several times a night. As you can imagine, I was one tired woman. You can see how not enough sleep and too much caffeine became the norm.

Unfortunately, it all culminated yesterday in a small panic attack at work where I spent about 20 minutes in my office with the door closed, crying and trying to ground myself. My anxiety is mostly post-traumatic, really starting after I experienced a heart attack last year, and it’s exacerbated by lack of sleep and too much caffeine, the two constants in my life for the past three-ish weeks. So, instead of blogging, I focused on breathing and making it through meetings without completely breaking down.

I was sitting at the kitchen table on a sunny late-summer afternoon, feeding my son lunch, when I was overcome with an amazing feeling of contentment. As Sebastian peeled the turkey and cheese off his sandwich and shoved them into his mouth, dropping some turkey onto the floor in the process, he looked up at me and grinned.  And I realized that this, right here, is exactly where I want to be. It’s really all I need in life. A loving partner, an adventurous kid, a goofy dog, a cozy home, and some fun experiences are what truly make me happy.

This isn’t turkey, but you get the idea!

Thinking about now, I’m not as surprised as I would have been a few years ago.

This weekend, Nick and I went on a quick picnic date by the lake. It was doctor’s orders.

For the past few months, I’ve been experiencing a lot of health-related anxiety as a result of my surprise postpartum heart attack. I’ve been seeing a really great therapist for a little more than a month now, and I’m happy to report that my anxiety has subsided pretty significantly thanks to the grounding techniques she taught me. In our last session, she asked how my relationship with Nick was going. After a moment of silence, I said, “Things are good, but they could be better.” And it was true because it has been a while since Nick and I have really connected.

While I was busy focusing on keeping my anxiety-fueled freak outs at bay, Nick was focusing on keeping up with the day-to-day. We were constantly cleaning baby bottles, washing spit up off our clothes, and passing the baby back and forth; with that and work, we didn’t really have time for much else. When this became our norm, we stopped talking to each other about our life, our dreams and plans… hell, we barely even talked to each other about how our days were going. It was like we were on autopilot just trying to get through the days, and it was starting to feel like we were roommates working toward the same goal – to care for Sebastian and the house – instead of a husband and wife team running our lives together. I didn’t realize how easy it was to lose sight of important things like love and marriage when you’re spending all your time caring for a kid. Of course I’ve heard of it happening, but to other people. Right? I would never let that happen to me and my marriage. Right?

So my therapist suggested that we find a sitter for the baby and spend some quality time together, just the two of us, to reconnect a bit. And that’s what we did. We left the Sebmeister with Nana and PopPop and set out for a little picnic.

We settled down in a spot by the lake. We sat on our blanket and ate our little snacks and relaxed and talked. We chatted about the upgrades we want to do to the house, the vegetables I want to learn to pickle, and we made a little plan to get started, something we regularly did before Sebastian came along. We watched the boats drive by, pulling teenage boys on water skis. We discussed how cool it would be to live on a lake. Neither of us really care to have a boat but a jet ski would be awesome! As we watched three kids whiz past us on a jet ski, Nick said, “You probably wouldn’t let me go fast, would you? You’d be afraid of falling off.” I pointed out that falling off of a jet ski wouldn’t be too bad because I would land in the water.

Ultimately, we agreed that lakes are better than the ocean.

We had just gotten really comfortable on our blanket when big, fat rain drops started falling. They fell slowly, just enough to be slightly annoying. “This is like a metaphor for our lives,” I said. “We try to do something nice and simple for ourselves and then we get rained on.” Nick looked at me and replied, “Yeah, but what really matters is how you react to it. It’s just a few little drops, not a downpour. We’ll get through it.”

This is why Nick is my rock. He keeps me grounded and he helps me see that things aren’t always as bad as my mind makes them out to be. He calms the storm that the anxiety creates in my mind, and he loves me even when I’m at my worst.

Unfortunately our picnic was cut short by the rain as the slow, fat rain drops soon turned into a warm summer storm and we had to retreat to a covered shelter until it passed. But it served its purpose. We renewed our connection and promised that we would get better about regularly making time for each other in the future. We aren’t going to be undone by a few little rain drops. We always get through it.