You know those cute little elderly couples you see on the news or social media who dress in matching outfits and are unknowingly photographed doing little things to demonstrate just how much they still love each other after all these years? I used to read about those couples and wonder if it was true. It seemed like over time love would eventually fade away or get lost between deepening wrinkles. It just seemed to make sense that you would probably get to so used to being together that the other person became nothing more than a presence. People grow apart, after all, and there are countless books written and movies made about escaping loveless marriages with boring partners. Could you really could fall in love with someone and stay in love with them for the rest of your life?

The answer is yes.

I know this because in August 2003, I met the man who has proven to me time and time again just how true it is. And today we’ve been married for 9 phenomenal years!

My amazing husband, Nick.

Nick and I met during my first few weeks of undergrad at ECU, and our meeting is one of my favorite stories to tell! I had a printer that wasn’t working so I asked for help on the school’s message board. This guy named Nick messaged me to say he could help but he didn’t live on campus so we would have to arrange a time for him to come by my dorm room. We chatted online for a few days and then classes started, all before he had a chance to take a look at the printer. On the first day of biology lab, I walked in and sat at the first table I saw, in a chair next to this cute guy wearing a white MTV t-shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and red Oakley sunglasses on his head. The TA started taking attendance and called Nick’s name first. I was still trying to figure out why it sounded so familiar when she called my name and the cute guy in the cargo shorts next to me leaned over and whispered, “So, did you get that printer fixed?” I was so surprised that I had unwittingly sat next to the guy I had been chatting with these last few days, but he walked me back to my dorm after class and we’ve practically been together ever since!

Nick and me, in my dorm room. We were two kids who had just met but were already falling in love!

Our 17-year journey wasn’t always the smoothest, but we made it to where we are now, and I’m so incredibly lucky to be able to look at this man every day and know that everything is going to be okay. I look at him and remember everything he was back then, and I appreciate how much he’s grown since (and how much we’ve grown together), and I sincerely look forward to everything he’s still going to become. I look at him every day and love him just a little bit more. I see the gray hair sprouting at his temples and I marvel at how he seems to get more handsome each day. I look at our son and see the same almond-shaped eyes, brown pupils, and love of Legos and cars, and I can’t believe I am so fortunate to share this life with him.

My boys.

Nick has truly been my rock. While he has always supported me through my endeavors–enthusiastically encouraging me to follow my dreams and go to grad school, taking photos of my outfits while I pretended to be a blogger, never getting angry when I moved from job to job because I never quite felt satisfied–it was in the last few years that he really showed how seriously he took the vows we made to each other. He was there to take care of me through my freak heart attack, and then he supported the whole family while I took time off from the work force to heal and bond with Sebastian. And even now he does his very best to ground me when my anxiety and PTSD beat me into an emotional and irrational mess. Look, if I’m the glue that holds this family together then he’s the synthetic polymers that make up that glue. And I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

True love.

So, to my partner, lover, companion, and friend; my greatest ally, my biggest fan, and my toughest critic; my comrade in adventure and my accomplice in mischief: after all these 9+ years, I still vow to laugh with you in joy, to be your comfort in sorrow, and to turn to you in my times of need. I promise to continue to grow with you, to be slow to anger and quick to forgive, and to love, respect, and cherish you through the rest of our days.

I love you more now than ever and I’m so happy to still be on this wild ride with you.

And I can’t wait for us to be one of those cute little old couples who wear matching outfits!

Happy anniversary!

Yesterday was my seventh wedding anniversary and I was going to take a look back on the day by posting photos and little stories about the day. My plan was to write it up and post it while on a break at work. However, my mind and body had other plans.

The past few weeks have been really rough. I was in charge of a week-long work retreat that was cut short by Hurricane Florence and we were left scrambling to figure out how to reschedule several days worth of work. I also had to navigate a major transition at the office as our CEO prepared to leave, all while worrying about preparing my home and family for the storm on top these regular work responsibilities. On top of that, in the last week or so, Sebastian decided to go ahead and have his 18-month sleep regression, waking us up several times a night. As you can imagine, I was one tired woman. You can see how not enough sleep and too much caffeine became the norm.

Unfortunately, it all culminated yesterday in a small panic attack at work where I spent about 20 minutes in my office with the door closed, crying and trying to ground myself. My anxiety is mostly post-traumatic, really starting after I experienced a heart attack last year, and it’s exacerbated by lack of sleep and too much caffeine, the two constants in my life for the past three-ish weeks. So, instead of blogging, I focused on breathing and making it through meetings without completely breaking down.

While I try to practice gratitude every day of my life, I like to spend the month of November reflecting on and giving thanks for all the wonderful things in my life. In the past, I’ve highlighted tangible things like handwritten mail and flowers, as well as more abstract concepts like laughter and family traditions.

This year, I struggled a bit to figure out what I wanted to highlight. Not because I’m ungrateful for the wonderful blessings in my life, but because I feel like I’m always thankful for the same things – family, friends, food, etc. – and I don’t want to repeat all of those things to my readers, even though I truly am grateful for those things every single day.

I decided that for this year’s gratitude posts, I would highlight some more specific examples of what I’m thankful for. And when it comes to family, I’ll start with my husband, Nick.

I feel like I could write a book about all of the reasons that Nick is awesome. He truly deserves all the praise he gets and then some. One thing I really admire about him is that he works really hard to create a fulfilling career for himself and to take care of our family. Luckily, this doesn’t mean long hours away at some job, but rather putting forth his best effort both at the office and at home. Sometimes he’s recognized for it, and often times he isn’t, but he always gets the job done.

I’m also extremely grateful that he keeps me going when my anxiety starts to get the best of me. Getting enough sleep and not having a ton of things to worry about really helps keep the anxiety away. Nick knows this so he does a lot to let me keep my much-needed routines. Little things, like preparing Sebastian’s bottles so that I can go to sleep early if that’s what I need that day, really do go a long way. He takes care of the budgeting and the finances, making sure we’re on track to meet our goals and keeping me from blowing all of our money on food. And I never hear him complain.

Finally, I’m incredibly thankful that he’s so good at making me laugh, even when I don’t always feel like it. If you’ve read any of our conversations, you’re already familiar with his dry sense of humor. It’s completely opposite of mine, and I think that’s why he gets me giggling so often. Laughing is one of my favorite things in the world so having someone by my side every day that can crack me up with just one look is a real blessing.

Look, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies with us but we have it pretty darn good. We love each other very much, we agree on (and even dislike) the same things, and we want the best for each other, no matter what. I’m super lucky to wake up next to him and our awesome little guy every day.

And for that, I am super thankful!

This weekend, Nick and I went on a quick picnic date by the lake. It was doctor’s orders.

For the past few months, I’ve been experiencing a lot of health-related anxiety as a result of my surprise postpartum heart attack. I’ve been seeing a really great therapist for a little more than a month now, and I’m happy to report that my anxiety has subsided pretty significantly thanks to the grounding techniques she taught me. In our last session, she asked how my relationship with Nick was going. After a moment of silence, I said, “Things are good, but they could be better.” And it was true because it has been a while since Nick and I have really connected.

While I was busy focusing on keeping my anxiety-fueled freak outs at bay, Nick was focusing on keeping up with the day-to-day. We were constantly cleaning baby bottles, washing spit up off our clothes, and passing the baby back and forth; with that and work, we didn’t really have time for much else. When this became our norm, we stopped talking to each other about our life, our dreams and plans… hell, we barely even talked to each other about how our days were going. It was like we were on autopilot just trying to get through the days, and it was starting to feel like we were roommates working toward the same goal – to care for Sebastian and the house – instead of a husband and wife team running our lives together. I didn’t realize how easy it was to lose sight of important things like love and marriage when you’re spending all your time caring for a kid. Of course I’ve heard of it happening, but to other people. Right? I would never let that happen to me and my marriage. Right?

So my therapist suggested that we find a sitter for the baby and spend some quality time together, just the two of us, to reconnect a bit. And that’s what we did. We left the Sebmeister with Nana and PopPop and set out for a little picnic.

We settled down in a spot by the lake. We sat on our blanket and ate our little snacks and relaxed and talked. We chatted about the upgrades we want to do to the house, the vegetables I want to learn to pickle, and we made a little plan to get started, something we regularly did before Sebastian came along. We watched the boats drive by, pulling teenage boys on water skis. We discussed how cool it would be to live on a lake. Neither of us really care to have a boat but a jet ski would be awesome! As we watched three kids whiz past us on a jet ski, Nick said, “You probably wouldn’t let me go fast, would you? You’d be afraid of falling off.” I pointed out that falling off of a jet ski wouldn’t be too bad because I would land in the water.

Ultimately, we agreed that lakes are better than the ocean.

We had just gotten really comfortable on our blanket when big, fat rain drops started falling. They fell slowly, just enough to be slightly annoying. “This is like a metaphor for our lives,” I said. “We try to do something nice and simple for ourselves and then we get rained on.” Nick looked at me and replied, “Yeah, but what really matters is how you react to it. It’s just a few little drops, not a downpour. We’ll get through it.”

This is why Nick is my rock. He keeps me grounded and he helps me see that things aren’t always as bad as my mind makes them out to be. He calms the storm that the anxiety creates in my mind, and he loves me even when I’m at my worst.

Unfortunately our picnic was cut short by the rain as the slow, fat rain drops soon turned into a warm summer storm and we had to retreat to a covered shelter until it passed. But it served its purpose. We renewed our connection and promised that we would get better about regularly making time for each other in the future. We aren’t going to be undone by a few little rain drops. We always get through it.