I’ve concluded the yet another week of practicing gratitude every day this month for National Gratitude Month.

Here’s what I was thankful for:

Day 15: In light of all that we’ve been through this year, I’m grateful that I’m still able to find joy where I can. For example, normally I’m one of those people who believes we absolutely should wait until one holiday passes before we celebrate the next. Thanksgiving first and then Christmas. But this year, we’ve thrown it all to the wind and it’s so much fun to do what we want! I decorated for Halloween at the end of August and we put up our Christmas tree on Sunday. While we haven’t fully decorated our tree yet, it does have lights and those lights make me extremely happy, filling me with cheer and hope even as the days get shorter and the nights get colder and the coronavirus cases spike again. We may just leave this tree up for all of 2021.

Day 16:  I’m thankful that sometimes things aren’t always as bad as they may initially seem. When you suffer from anxiety, there’s a tendency to always overthink and misread. Luckily, things often work out just fine despite our worst fears, and I’m very grateful for that. Last month I made a very tough–and honestly, stupid–decision to leave my current job at the end of the month to pursue something I’m more passionate about. I’ve been miserable at work for a while now (what else is new?) and it has been affecting my physical and mental health. I don’t have anything concrete lined up yet but a few things are in the works so I have hope and am thankful that I’m able to take this huge leap right now at a time when everything is so uncertain.

Day 17: I’m grateful for tummy tickles and blissful laughter at bedtime. Parenting is hard. Being a 3.5 year old with big feelings and little control over them is hard. So when we get a chance to just play and laugh, we take it even if delays bedtime. Tonight, after reading our bedtime stories, I laid in Sebastian’s bed with him and tickled him while he laughed and just enjoyed the time I get to spend with him. He’s growing up so fast so I’m incredibly thankful for these little moments.

I’ve been thinking about this here blog for the past few weeks. It seems I’ve developed a blogging pattern that consists of getting really energized and having a lot of ideas, and all I want to do is sit and write and share with you, but then I lose steam and feel like nothing I write about is very interesting or worth reading so I disappear for a week or two until I get energized again. I don’t like that pattern and I’m sure it certainly isn’t fun for my readers, but impostor syndrome and feeling like a fraud is really hard to shake. If you experience it, you know what I mean!

But I’ve really started to evaluate my role as a blogger — or, more accurately, my desire to be a blogger — because I was watching Instagram stories the other day and I found some of them to be riveting. And that made me wonder what it is about these stories that caught and held my attention, and I realized that it’s because I could relate to them in some way; my stories aren’t that much different from theirs. So maybe what I have to share really is *that* interesting… or maybe not since it’s already been done. Are you catching on to my thought process here? It’s exhausting to think this way all the time.

I’ve been thinking about the blog because I want to write more consistently. But blogging takes a lot of work and effort. Sometimes I feel that if I spend too much time blogging then I’m not being truly present in my life and I’m missing out on time with my son. But then I’m neglecting my blog and my passion. So how do I find that balance of being present in each moment but still devoted to blogging about those moments? How do you other bloggers do it? A few of the bloggers I really like have given birth recently and I love seeing stories about their beautiful new babies. I have a baby, and I’m sure that sharing stories about our day and the silly things he does would be pretty entertaining.

Anyway, this post has been a draft for a while now. Why? Because it wasn’t finished. It wasn’t perfect. It didn’t have the right pictures. I didn’t think anyone would care. Any maybe no one does care. Maybe I’m yelling out into the void. But if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear, does it still make a sound? You betcha. So, I’m pressing publish and making my sound. I just hope there’s someone out there in the forest who wants to hear it.