I haven’t been posting regularly, but I am still here. And this is especially relevant today.

On this day four summers ago, on the start of Memorial Day Weekend 2017, I suffered a heart attack at 32 years old.

I had just returned to a new job from a very brief maternity leave (only 6 weeks) and was looking forward to a long weekend of baby snuggles and a nice family picnic. However, instead of spending that time on a colorful blanket in the warm sunshine with my boys, I spent it in a cold, bright hospital room in the cardiac ICU recovering from a spontaneous coronary artery dissection (SCAD). It was truly one of the scariest things to ever happen to me and my family, and there were so many questions, some of which are still unanswered.

You know those cute little elderly couples you see on the news or social media who dress in matching outfits and are unknowingly photographed doing little things to demonstrate just how much they still love each other after all these years? I used to read about those couples and wonder if it was true. It seemed like over time love would eventually fade away or get lost between deepening wrinkles. It just seemed to make sense that you would probably get to so used to being together that the other person became nothing more than a presence. People grow apart, after all, and there are countless books written and movies made about escaping loveless marriages with boring partners. Could you really could fall in love with someone and stay in love with them for the rest of your life?

The answer is yes.

I know this because in August 2003, I met the man who has proven to me time and time again just how true it is. And today we’ve been married for 9 phenomenal years!

My amazing husband, Nick.

Yesterday was my seventh wedding anniversary and I was going to take a look back on the day by posting photos and little stories about the day. My plan was to write it up and post it while on a break at work. However, my mind and body had other plans.

The past few weeks have been really rough. I was in charge of a week-long work retreat that was cut short by Hurricane Florence and we were left scrambling to figure out how to reschedule several days worth of work. I also had to navigate a major transition at the office as our CEO prepared to leave, all while worrying about preparing my home and family for the storm on top these regular work responsibilities. On top of that, in the last week or so, Sebastian decided to go ahead and have his 18-month sleep regression, waking us up several times a night. As you can imagine, I was one tired woman. You can see how not enough sleep and too much caffeine became the norm.

Unfortunately, it all culminated yesterday in a small panic attack at work where I spent about 20 minutes in my office with the door closed, crying and trying to ground myself. My anxiety is mostly post-traumatic, really starting after I experienced a heart attack last year, and it’s exacerbated by lack of sleep and too much caffeine, the two constants in my life for the past three-ish weeks. So, instead of blogging, I focused on breathing and making it through meetings without completely breaking down.

Our Awesome Wedding Party. We couldn’t ask for better friends!

Thursday, October 1st, was our 4th wedding anniversary. You can read all about it and see more photos on our wedding page here.

My smile was this big the whole day. It really was the best.

It was definitely one of the happiest days of our lives. Things have been a little crazy in our lives lately, however, so we didn’t really get a chance to celebrate. After working most of the day, we went out for celebratory tacos and a small glass of cava from our favorite local taco joint, Nanataco.

Calamari taco, fried oyster taco, rice, beans, and chips. And a litle cava on the side!

Then we came home and cuddled on the couch, watching episodes of Dexter. It was actually kind of perfect, when you think about it. We got to spend some quality time together, and really, isn’t that what really matters?

Happy October, everyone!