Here’s a little secret: I haven’t always wanted kids. Even in high school when I was busy scribbling hearts around my boyfriend’s name and dreaming of his last name behind my first name, I don’t recall wanting to have children. My daydream then consisted solely of marriage and a good career, and that dream remained steadfast for many years. In college, I started to scoff at the idea of procreating and when I was in my mid-and-late-twenties, I had pretty much decided kids weren’t for me. And Nick was on the same page. We were going to focus on degrees and careers and our house and our dogs and all the other goals we had stashed up our sleeves. Besides, who has time for kids? They’re dream killers, and they’re so. needy, and you have to wipe their butts for them. Gross! 

And then I turned 30.

Sebastian is pretty darn perfect. That’s not just a biased mother’s opinion; the doctor agrees 😉

Two-week check up. The doctor literally said he’s perfect.

But even in all of his perfection, we had a rough start with breastfeeding. I have nothing against formula or mothers who choose to feed it to their babies, but breastfeeding is one of those parenting decisions that both Nick and I felt very strongly about. We were going to breastfeed for as long as possible. All throughout my pregnancy I had the normal concern most first-time moms have: will I produce enough milk? Turns out, I was a milking machine but it was an issue with Sebastian that caused our breastfeeding woes.

Sebastian was born with a tongue tie and accompanying high palate, which made latching to my breast/nipple and therefore efficient sucking nearly impossible. The hospital wouldn’t let the midwife cut it right after birth so we had to wait until we were discharged two days later to visit the midwife’s office so she could clip it. Even after it was taken care of, Sebastian still had a really hard time latching. That whole first week I would pump as much colostrum as possible and feed it to him with a syringe. It was extremely stressful and caused me so much anxiety that I was thisclose to giving up and switching to formula. Instead, I kept pumping and we started feeding Sebastian the pumped milk with a bottle, which was much more sustainable but seemed to horrify lactation consultants and experts everywhere who have acted like I’m a monster for introducing a bottle to a newborn (but whatever, my baby was eating and growing and that’s all that matters… but I digress).

He looks pretty full and happy to me!

We were referred to a wonderful lactation consultant who has worked with me so much to make breastfeeding a reality. She taught me how to use a nipple shield, which has been a life changer for sure. It has allowed us to go from almost exclusively pumping & bottle feeding to almost exclusively breastfeeding (we still use a bottle every now and then when I’m away or need a break). And let me tell you, it’s a wonderful feeling of success when you’re finally able to feed and bond with your baby the way you wanted to.

The plan is to try to wean him off of the shield and try to get him to latch directly on my breast BUT if I have to use the shield for the next 6 months or more, then that’s what I’ll do. I am very much of the mind that fed is best, whether that’s breast milk directly from the breast, from the bottle, or formula. Whatever keeps your baby alive and well.

Sweet success!

I still have some anxiety around breastfeeding. Mostly, I worry that even with the shield, Sebastian isn’t getting enough to eat. But at his two-week check up, he had already gained about 12 ounces since his last visit — and the doctor really did say he was perfect! — so we’re obviously doing something right. And that’s all that really matters.

Until next time,
xo, Nikki

Holy cow, when did I become six months pregnant? It feels like the time is both flying and creeping along. March will be here before you know it, but let’s get through these holidays first, shall we? In the last few weeks, I think I’ve started experiencing every pregnancy symptom there is when you’re in the second trimester, which has been rough considering I went from no symptoms to ALL of them. I experience a lot of gas pain/pressure in my ribs and back, getting comfortable has become increasingly difficult, and I get breathless just sitting on the couch! I’ve been trying to do some prenatal yoga to help me feel better. But, enough about that!

baby size: 11.8ish inches and 1.3ish lbs, about the size of a large zucchini or ear of corn. He’s now considered viable if we were to be born tomorrow!

cravings: Chocolate-y cereal and cookies (fig newtons and sugar cookies). Y’all, the amount of sweets I’ve been eating this pregnancy has been unreal. I’ve always preferred salty and crunchy foods over sweets (like chips, fries, and savory cheese) but since becoming pregnant and having cravings, I’ve wanted the sweet stuff. I’m a little concerned that I’ll end up with gestational diabetes or something. I’ve gotten much better about balancing my intake of healthy foods with the sweets, but I still have that bowl of cocoa puffs before bed just about every night.

feelings: Emotionally, I’ve been staying pretty stable. I have had a few days recently where the crying has been free-flowing because of current life situations, but nothing that hasn’t been controllable. I figure I’m allowed to have a little catharsis every now and then. Physically, however, I’m feeling it. Like I mentioned above, I’m having all the symptoms right now and that’s making me a little moody.

movement: Baby boy is moving All. The. Time. I still feel him most in the evenings when I’m relaxing on the couch, but he does randomly kick and punch throughout the day. Sometimes I’ll even feel him moving around in the middle of the night if I wake up from a weird dream or have to go to the bathroom. It worries me just a little on the days he’s really still, but I guess he needs his rest like everyone else.

miss anything?: The holidays are coming up, which means parties and dressing up are just around the corner. Right now, I miss getting to wear all of my pretty and fancy dresses to holiday gatherings. And, while I haven’t done a deep search, it’s been harder than I expected to find a fun, glittery cocktail-style dress for pregnant women.

looking forward to:  Working on the nursery. The crib is up and we’re debating whether we should paint the room before we get any more furniture. Initially, I wasn’t interested in painting but here lately I’ve been changing my mind. We’re going with a woodlands/forest theme so I’m thinking we might paint at least one wall light blue and then put up a tree decal and paint some clouds. It seems like a lot of work so we’ll see what we end up deciding.

how we’re prepping: We’re still adding items to our registry to prep for baby showers. I have very little experience with babies so I’m practically clueless when it comes to knowing exactly what they’ll need besides a bed, food, and diapers. I’ll add a bunch of things to the registry and then remove them, and sometimes add them back! Do we need a changing table or should we invest in a dresser with a changing pad? Which mattress is best? What are the pros and cons of everything?  Ugh, it’s very overwhelming.

best moment of the month: Not specifically related to the pregnancy but I really enjoyed spending Thanksgiving with our families, some of whom haven’t seen the bump in a while, if at all. I love family so getting to spend the holiday with them while we’re prepping for our own little family was one of the best things to happen this entire year.

That’s it for now. Be sure to stay tuned for next month’s updates.

Linkups: Let it Shine

Sweet baby boy!

That’s right! We are thrilled to announce that Baby NCsquared is a boy and I can’t wait to be a boy mommy! I’m really impatient so there’s no way I could wait to find out at a party or even at birth. In fact, here’s a confession: We’ve known for about a month now! I paid for an elective ultrasound in my 16th week to find out the baby’s sex as soon as possible because I couldn’t wait an extra month to find out at my 20-week scan today. But JUST IN CASE the sonographer was wrong, I wanted to wait until it was confirmed at our 20-week scan before making the big announcement. And you may be thinking how likely is it that the sonographer is wrong? Well, probably not very likely BUT I did have a friend from high school who went her entire first pregnancy thinking she was having a boy because that’s what the sonographer told her only to give birth to a beautiful baby girl! Oh, and then there’s this woman whose surprise at giving birth to a boy after being told she was having a girl was captured for the world to see! We have double confirmation (and some pretty good sonograms for proof) so we’re now confident we’re having a boy 🙂

Another confession: there’s something I need to get off my chest, a soapbox that I need to address. I *hate* when these things are called “gender reveals” because there’s a big difference between gender and biological sex. This was a biological sex reveal because all we’re telling you is that my baby will be born with male reproductive anatomy: penis, scrotum, testes, etc. Gender is a socially constructed role that describes certain characteristics of being male or female, but it isn’t always determined by reproductive anatomy. But that’s a post for another day.

Anyway, now that we know we’re having a boy, we’ve picked out a name (to be revealed later) and have started decorating the nursery. We’re doing a cute woodland animals theme with the fox as the main character. It’s also given me a chance to start bonding with him because I can call him by his name and better picture our future with him. I really can’t wait to meet him and see what his personality is like and all those other cool things that come along with bring life into the world.

20 weeks!

I’m 20 weeks along now and super excited that I’m finally halfway there. In the early days, it felt like this moment would never get here and even now, it feels like the baby itself will never get here. Hurry up March! My pregnancy has been very calm so far. I was expecting to experience all of the horrible symptoms of pregnancy like bad morning sickness, food aversions, and out-of-control emotions. However, I was extremely lucky and only experienced a little bit of morning sickness and some fatigue; it was very manageable! The only food aversions I had were coffee, which went away as I entered my second trimester, and onions, which actually got stronger as I entered my second trimester. And I’m finally starting to get that little baby bump!

But enough about that. On to my current stats!

baby size: According to my Glow Nurture app, the baby weighs about 10.5 ounces and is 10 inches long – about the length of a small banana.

cravings: Smoothies. As with most of my cravings (even pre-pregnancy), if I saw someone consuming something that looked delicious I’d want it. About two weeks ago, I saw someone drinking a smoothie and I’ve wanted one ever since. While I haven’t made to a smoothie king, I’ve made do with Bolthouse Farms and other smoothie drinks from the grocery store. But you have to be careful with those; they can have a ton of sugar!

feelings: I haven’t been nearly as emotional as I thought I would be but I’m noticing the tears come much easier these days. It wasn’t unusual to find me crying during a movie or at a sweet video or commercial but now I can just see someone crying and it’ll bring tears. I’ve also noticed that I get irritated a little quicker than I did before, but luckily it doesn’t last long. Otherwise, I still have my sunny disposition 🙂

best moment of the month: By far, the most amazing moment of my entire pregnancy so far was the first time I felt the baby move. At 16 weeks, I read that I could start feeling movements at any moment (it’s called “quickening”) and I kept researching what women said it felt like, hoping I had felt it/would feel it soon. They described the feeling as flutters or gas bubbles. It wasn’t until I was about 18 weeks that I finally felt it! I was lying on the couch in the evening, watching TV and playing on my phone, when I felt the little muscle spasms-flutters in my stomach. It took me a second to realize what it was, but when it clicked, I was so excited. I feel them pretty much once a day now, usually in the evening before bed when I’m relaxing on the couch, and I absolutely love it.

movement: See above.

miss anything?: The only thing I think I really miss right now is roller coaster rides. Not that I’m an avid amusement park attendee, but seeing signs for Carowind’s or Busch Garden’s Halloween attractions made me realize I couldn’t go right now even if I wanted to. Just the thought of not being able to do something as fun as that makes me miss it, even when I had no plans to do it in the first place!

looking forward to: The anatomy scan next week. I’m anxious to find out whether the baby is healthy and growing as expected, and to confirm the sex. Also, Thanksgiving with our families. Many of our family members haven’t seen the bump yet so it’s going to be a lot of fun. Plus, FOOD!

how we’re prepping: Slow and steady at the moment. We started our Centering Pregnancy class but we haven’t gotten very far with the nursery. That’s pretty common, right? We’ve put up new curtains, bought a few cute decorations, and measured the closet for an upgrade. My mother is giving us the crib she used when she babysat my nephews. I love scoring free baby gear!  I think once the crib set up, everything else in the nursery will fall into place.

Linkups: Let it Shine